Day 661

It’s been a rough few months. I haven’t been posting. I feel like people come here for hope and positivity and I haven’t been feeling very hopeful or positive. It’s gotten worse in the last couple of weeks with what’s been going on in the world. What I’ve come to realize through all of this it’s that hope, and positivity is useless if not for fear, sadness, and hopelessness. This isn’t just a fight against a virus but a fight against giving up. It always is, isn’t it? It’s just a lot more obvious right now. If you’re someone who is into social media or someone who follows the news, it seems like everyone has given up on us; the vulnerable. I’m not sure if that’s true, but it certainly feels like it. But it also isn’t just us that the world has given up on and well, I haven’t given up on us. Even though I feel down and alone, I haven’t given up on us or anyone else who’s having a terrible pandemic. I think we’re still worth fighting for. Every one of us. If not for our bodies, then at least for our minds. We’ve been broken before, and we came back even stronger. We don’t need to go it alone. We don’t need to tap into our seemingly bottomless resilience to survive yet another thing by ourselves. I’m here. I may not face the exact same struggles as you and you may not face mine. Regardless of the pandemic. The pandemic is just the umbrella under which some pretty unpleasant rain has been falling for 661 days now.

661 days. You should be proud of that. 661 days you’ve been surviving this extremely scary hard thing. 661 of our regular coping mechanisms being taken from us, our friends and family being taken from us, our belief systems being shaken, learning how to work differently and live differently, all over night. It’s always been said, “you don’t know what tomorrow will bring”. Well shit. But you know what? Maybe it works both ways. Just because our days are completely different from what we had hoped and planned and believed in, doesn’t mean something incredible cannot happen tomorrow. Maybe the “what tomorrow brings” will be amazing.

It’s a new year so let’s set some goals. Let’s take care of ourselves because we deserve it. Let’s stop being so hard on ourselves. Give yourself a break, we’re living in a pandemic. Let’s stop letting people bully us and ridicule us because we are afraid. Being afraid of getting sick, dying, or losing someone we care about is completely legitimate. Let’s start telling good news stories again. After all, the news could use a little variety, couldn’t it?

There is still good out there, despite the big ugly stupid covid cloud. One day I ran into someone in my lobby who saw I was carrying old pizza boxes. He recommended a new pizza place to me. It was awesome. Speaking of pizza, I can have one delivered in 20 minutes. There’s also a couple in my building that regularly walk their Persian cat. This cat goes around to all the trees and tries and fails to climb them and the owners just watch it live its best life. There’s a Starbucks nearby that does curbside pickup. I live across from another building that is completely adorned with Christmas lights right now. I decided to participate this year too. It’s not my best work but it’s sparkly and I like it. What little things made you smile today? Did your coffee turn out perfectly? Did you finally get in that shower? Did you remember to buy eggs? It’s the simple things in life you treasure.

My friend’s response to “it’s going to get better” is “why would it?”. He doesn’t believe things have to get better. He thinks we’re all doomed. The problem with that is that our brains are constantly trying to create a narrative that confirms our beliefs. If we believe it won’t get better, then we’ll find reasons to confirm that. That’s how we’re built. There’s also no reason it shouldn’t get better. We don’t know the outcome either way. So, as my last resolution, I choose to believe it will get better. 🙂

Well, I already feel better. I hope you start to feel better too. Happy New Year. -Laura