Why Not?

I was watching a show the other day and the young girl on the show started talking about her dreams. She wanted to have lots of kids and had a whole vision for her life. My reaction was not very positive. While listening to her I even caught myself saying “good luck”. I was a […]

Young at Heart

There are a lot of scary things about being a transplant recipient. Not only was I suddenly bombarded with endless medical procedures that I would have to endure for the rest of my life but I also started hearing all kinds of scary information about what it means to be a transplant recipient. Some of […]

Nothing Was the Same in June

This past week I’ve been off. There’s no reason for it. I didn’t even reallyknow it was happening. I had something important and positive scheduled I wasreally mad at myself for scheduling it because I didn’t want to go. I wasgiving the people around me a hard time for no reason. I was restless anduncomfortable […]

I Was Lucky, In A Way

“Being there is terrifying. During the last two pandemic years, I’ve had to go by myself. Usually, someone comes with me. Going by myself is an interesting experience. I’m fully relying on the staff for support, instead of whoever came with me. It’s long, lonely, and hard and I feel crazy for feeling so scared. But they seem to understand. Without even saying anything, they seem to understand.”

Day 661

It’s been a rough few months. I haven’t been posting. I feel like people come here for hope and positivity and I haven’t been feeling very hopeful or positive. It’s gotten worse in the last couple of weeks with what’s been going on in the world. What I’ve come to realize through all of this […]

I was 13 the First Time I Had to Learn to be Alone

I was 13 the First Time I Had to Learn to be Alone. Until then I had lived with my family and been around people always. I was almost never by myself. When I ended up in the hospital, I was suddenly alone a lot. Sure, I had my parents taking shifts to spend time with me, my visitors, and my nurses. But when my parents weren’t there, I was alone. I always wanted them to stay longer. Dad had the evening shift while my mom went home to cook me food to try to help get my weight up. He would stay just after 9 p.m. when visiting hours ended to watch TV with me in the family room. We were quiet and didn’t disrupt anyone, so I got to keep him around a bit longer. At 9:30 he’d head home too, and I would be alone for at least 12 more hours until visiting hours started the next day. –> Keep Reading

Hey Mom? I can only feel half of my face.

Hey Mom? I can only feel half of my face. “And I can only feel half of my tongue! This is weird.” Soon, I was surrounded by people assessing me. I don’t remember them all, but I had multiple TIAs that summer. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a transient ischemic attack. If you still don’t know what that is, I find that quite reasonable. I prefer to refer to it as a temporary stroke. People like to correct me when I say that, but I think they’re missing the point. The response I get is “A TIA is not a stroke” and I’m like “yeah, cus it’s temporary, a stroke is permanent.” I know there’s more to it than that but not to the average person and not to the person experiencing it. The scary thing about TIAs is that you don’t know they are temporary until they are. So, they may as well be a stroke until they aren’t. Know what I mean? It has to be assumed you are having a stroke in case you are having a stroke. And one day I did. Read On ->

Talk to The Pillow

Being a kid in a grown-up hospital mattered mostly to the grownups. I didn’t really have anything to compare it to. “It’s too bad you’re the only kid here” they’d say as if I’d be socializing if there were others. And do we really want more kids? I think not. I wouldn’t have wished this upon my worst enemy. Even with a drawer full, and I mean full, of my favourite candy, daily cake delivery, and endless movie watching, I’d choose freedom any day. Keep Reading –>

I Tried So Hard Not To. But I did.

“not to. I wasn’t staying here. This is temporary! I’ll get better and get out of here is no time. I still didn’t want to think about the whole needing a new heart to do be able to leave thing. My mom would ask me if I wanted my favourite bear or anything from home. I refused. I didn’t want any of my favourite things to be tainted by this place or this room. Or worse, there was a very real risk of getting blood on it. My mom brought me some new pjs so I wouldn’t have to wear the hospital gowns. I could be a bit comfortable at least. Though my doctor would later joke about them being shipped in from Paris, hospital gowns are certainly not built for comfort. So, I started to concede to things like that. “It would be nice to have a blanket”. ” Keep Reading –>

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by Emily Bradley There are at least 12 different ways to make a grilled cheese sandwich. The right way involves taking two pieces of white Wonder Bread, slathering them with margarine on one side, slapping a piece of Kraft Singles cheese between them, throwing them into a non-stick frying pan, and flipping until golden brown […]